While relaxing at this beautiful resort, I thought of sharing the with Seven Mistakes Young Amazing Singles Make in the Dating with you. I'm Jill Bulluck, a life transformation scientist, marriage prep coach for those who don't know or familiar with me. I'm here to work with you to create the life you love, attract, and keep your love of your.
The month of September is all about self-improvement, and I'm kicking this off by sharing the seven mistakes singles commit while they are in a dating relationship.
"Above all else, guard your heart carefully because your life flows from it." When you meet someone, you don't throw yourself up easily to that person. You have to guard your heart. Don't give it away for the first few days or months of the dating relationship. When you give your heart, your body tends to follow, and that is a loophole. As a woman, we offer so much of ourselves; emotionally and sexually. My tip is always to guard your heart and don't let your emotion overwhelm you because you'll be pulling the relationship forward and start to make demands and conditions. If a man or woman is not ready for a relationship, then fall back and let go. Don't push things to happen the way you want it to be. Don't try to manipulate and control things; if you know that he or she is not the one for you, then so be it.
"When a man finds a wife, he has found a treasure, for she is God's gift to bring him joy and pleasure. But the one who divorces a good woman loses what is good from his house to choose an adulterous is both stupid and unGodly." This is an encouragement for the wives, those who live in waiting to experience, and those who have experienced a divorce. If the relationship ended due to infidelity, that is his or her loss, and God will give you something better.
2. Unable to express frustrations and dislikes in a healthy way. If you're unable to express your frustrations and dislikes healthily, then you have anger issues. It is where you see people have been passive-aggressive. However, it can also be overreacting. Some people can be angry often, and some overreact without feeling like they have anger issues. But what I'm saying is if you're responding and you're finding yourself when you're communicating with a man, even with your children, cause everywhere you go, there you are. You're the same person, right? How do you communicate with others? Are you able to express disappointment in frustration without raising your voice? Or maybe you don't say anything to the point that you are suppressing your feelings and wait until things get terrible. It is a big mistake! You need to learn how to speak up and free yourself from the fear of being rejected. Your opinion matters, and you get to express it. We got to be in a place that we can share without all the negative emotions because emotions are good. We want to make sure we're operating in the positive emotions of joy, love, peace, happiness, and not in anger or aggression, bitterness, or other negative emotions.
3. Trying to pull the relationship forward and putting in so much work to try to make the relationship work. You’re always doing things hurriedly or in a rush from one event that you planned on the next immediately. It’s like you’re choking the moment and over anticipating everything that happens or will happen.
Songs 1:27, 1 and 2
“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who builds it unless the Lord guards the city, the Watchman stands in vain. It is vain for you to rise early, to sit up late, and to eat the bread of sorrow, for so he gives his beloved sleep.” When you build a relationship, God should be the foundation. When you’re making the relationship with God as your foundation, God is working everything out. We don’t have to carry the burden, and we shouldn’t have to. Women should not be putting in all the work in these relationships. If these relationships are a burden to you, then you have to assess if these relationships are built on solid ground or will be another same old relationship.
4. Assuming versus Fact-Checking. My mom told me a quote on the day of my wedding, and this is a quote from Ben Franklin, “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.” It is a piece of essential advice. Sometimes we hear other people say certain things, and we take it as the truth without checking the facts. I remember seeing a friend putting a lot of pressure on her friend to divorce her husband in a divorce court. It is because her husband’s friend was hugging another girl in a restaurant. It turned out that the woman her friend’s husband was hugging was his cousin. It was his cousin who was suffering from a devastating loss of a loved one. Therefore, don’t jump into conclusions without checking the facts first. You can trust, but you have to verify because jumping into conclusions is the worst thing you can do in a relationship. You also have to be aware of what’s going on around you, especially if you’re like me with a history of being cheated on. Likewise, if you had a history of women cheating on you, your auto-response is that this woman is unfaithful. Take time to assess the facts and give yourself a chance to clear your mind before taking the next step.
5. Taking myself off the market and dating exclusively without a clear commitment. I don’t encourage you to date exclusively. If you just met somebody nice to you, you’re flattered with the attention given, and you talk over the phone, you’re in the friend zone. The thing is, be okay with being in the friend zone. You don’t want to jeopardize the friendship you’re building for a relationship that might not work out. In our culture nowadays, we’re so accustomed to skipping the level of friendship. Don’t skip the friendship stage because this should precede the dating stage. I repeat, don’t skip friendship!
6. Overly consumed with the possibility of the future versus living in the present. Again, you should be concerned about having a good time, living in the moment, and enjoying life. In our childhood, we feel like running off, meeting our Prince Charming, and getting married should be the drill. But, it's our childhood fantasy, an obsession that we hold on to as we grow. When you go out in the dating market, your goal is to date for marriage and be intentional, but don't forget to have a good time. Release yourself from pressure. You and the other person you're dating are trying to assess each other to see both decent human beings. Dating is to collect data.
I'll mention a scripture from James's book, "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has its troubles." I want you to savor the moment, and don't worry about tomorrow. At the onset of dating, we have to be attentive and clear with the intentions right there, so we know we're in the same mindset. The energy of the pressure of where this relationship is going is extremely off-putting. It is extremely unattractive. It will hit the kill switch. It can hit the kill, switch on his desire. I always say to people; we're not dropping the thought of helping women create the life they love because you should be living the life you love that you don't want to let it go. I don't want to lose my good thing. It is my life, my freedom. I live in my vision, my purpose, and fulfilling God's assignment for my life. I want you to be in a better place, holding on to your life of singleness and preserve something good. We want to have a life that is great and not the worst.
7. Being honest about what you want. If you're not in an exclusive dating zone, you can have other friends even with the opposite sex. You need to understand where you are, what their intentions are, and the purpose of it. Now there's going to be some people where there's a relationship. There's no attraction. You're just friends. You don't want to date him; he doesn't want to date you. There might be a romantic relationship because you have chemistry, right? You met each other at the right time when he wants to get married, and you also want to. You have to check on compatibility more than chemistry.
Here's a quick recap of everything I shared on this blog. Number 1, investing emotions too soon, Number 2, unable to express frustrations and dislikes in a healthy way, Number 3, trying to pull the relationship forward and putting in so much work to try to make the relationship work, Number 4, assuming versus fact-Checking, Number 5, taking yourself off the market and dating exclusively without a clear commitment, Number 6, overly consumed with the possibility of the future versus living in the present, finally, Number 7, being honest about what you want.
Let me take this opportunity to invite you to join the Emotional Detox Challenge. It's going to be coming up in the next two to four weeks.
We got to validate and solidify if he or she is ready to be in a relationship. The duration of dating depends on the process the two of you are going to go through. If there are unresolved issues in the past, it will be evident during the dating process, and it may delay him or her in pursuing the relationship. Unresolved issues in the past should not hinder you from getting the life you love, so all of these should be cleared out in the dating process. You'll gain more knowledge and experiences from other participants if you're up to the challenge and register to the Emotional Detox Challenge by clicking this link http://bit.ly/emotionaldetoxchallenge.
Your sister in the journey of attracting and keeping healthy happy love.