"Jill, I have a question for you. How do you stop yourself from going all the way with a guy since you are making out i.e. kissing, hugging and your body temperature is rising, how do you stop in the midst of it all?"
As I read the words from my Messenger, my jaw dropped, I could not believe what I was reading. In my pursuit of abstaining for Jesus and doing everything remain celibate from avoiding what seems like a mere kiss on the lips to the locking of the hands; I was totally in shock of the level of innocence and lack of understanding this beautiful soul possesses. I know a lot of something about what she was asking because I had graduated from the School of Hard Knock University.
See after going a full eighteen months of abstaining, relaxing my boundaries one day I got fatigued of resisting my boyfriend at the time as he horseplay around the house, chasing me, I gave in, and we had sex. Prior to this point, we had been together for nine months and both committed to celibacy. The crazy thing is, he never intended for it to go down like that and neither did I. He was literally just playing around but for some reason that day I threw my boundaries out the window and the rest was history. In the heat of the moment it went down. Everything was all good until the morning after. Have you ever been in a situation where your initial intentions were one thing but you looked up you were in another situation you haven't prepared for? That is exactly where I found myself.
Later that evening, the shame and guilt started to rise in me. I wish I could say that was a one and done for me and my husband before marriage but it wasn’t. We can count on my hand how many times we were together but after a few failed attempts, him going on sabbatical and me to counseling and seeking God; we decided to not have sex again until our wedding day.
So as I stared at this graphic explanation of how to resist getting into a sexual entanglement once allowed yourself to get aroused, I wanted to reply; I have no idea but once you figure it out, please let me know. But of course, I did not, up to this point, I had never really shared my story except for the time I emotionally vomited on someone who emailed me how I did it. That day I totally lost it. I had felt hidden, ashamed so afraid that someone would judge me based on my imperfections that it limited me from sharing my journey with others. I realized that my boundaries had to be non-negotiable and that holding hands and even a peck on the lips could take you way farther than you wanted to go.
As I stared at my Messenger trying to compose a response without criticism, judgment or offending, I felt a deep level of conviction like never before to share my story. This conviction did not come from me but from above. God said to me "that wasn’t about you. Are you going to allow false shame and false guilt cause other people to stay in bondage or will you share your truth, go back and help others who are struggling with the same thing you struggled with and now have overcome?
After receiving this message and realizing there were still people out there who did not know how to save themselves nor did they understand the importance of setting boundaries, I knew I had to come from behind the veil. I could no longer hide. I had to first forgive myself, accept God’s forgiveness and allow my test to be a testimony. I had to meditate on this scripture, "there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit Romans 8:1-4 If you too struggle with sharing your story due to false shame or guilt, allow this scripture to minister to your soul and release you from bondage of your past.
I didn’t not only share my story but I decided to write a whole book about it called Sexless Single and literally had a t-shirt designed that said “Former Sexless Single”.
Listen, sharing your story for the first time on a public platform is never easy and writing and promoting a book can be very time consuming and cost over $10,000 to $20,000 if done right. For my first book, I spent $1200 for a book coach and twelve months, forty-six hours of listening to audio and I walked away with a bunch of stickies, ideas and random stories.
That is when I pivoted to doing book collaborations aka an anthology with others authors. Me along nine authors wrote the Sexless Single | How to Stay Sexless in a Sex Filled World. This process made it much easier. If you are ready to share your story with the massive, take the life lessons you’ve learned, the growth you are experiencing and leverage someone else's influence, platform and resources to get your message to the world, then I invite you to book a call with me or my sister, Treal Ravenel to see if becoming a part of an anthology t is right for you. Most of the authors have started some type of business and/or built significant credibility and influence after being part of the book collaboration project aka the anthology. Go to bit.ly/becomingaBYTauthor to apply.
Understand when you share your story especially in a book collaboration, it allows you to experience four levels of transformation:
1.) transformation for yourself with a deeper level of healing and restoration that takes place
2.) transformation for your reader
3.) transformation for your family, community
4.) transformation in your purpose, ministry or business.
Using this approach will save you so much time, energy, guide you, and helps you get your story out there faster, strategically and on a larger platform. If you want to learn more about how to get that story out of your belly and out of your soul onto the page and out to the world, book a time so we can see if a book collaboration is right for you. Go to bit.ly/becomingaBYTauthor to apply.
Launching into my purpose and leading into my power was the best thing I could have done for my marriage. No more shame, guilt, worrying, fear, or anxiety about what if they find out. Not only that but with the right coaches like me and Treal Ravenel, this will be part of your legacy and the beginning of you living unapologetically in your purpose with a process that you can use to serve the masses. Having a book is one of the best gateway into launching a business or ministry and build your own stage to help others experience their transformation
P.S. If you want to learn more about how to embark on your personal transformational journey, keep your eyes and ears open as we will be having a sale this weekend opening up 18 spots in the Be Ye Transformed Academy, which is the #1 academy for spiritual, personal and relationship development for Women of Faith.
Jill Bulluck, I help prepare and position high achieving single women attract healthy happy love and marriage through Virtual Workshops, One-on-one & Group Coaching, Live Retreats and Conferences.