This is not a formal introduction but let me take a minute to introduce myself. I have been married for six years, and my husband and I have been incredibly blessed in our union. I don't want to say we cracked the code, but we found a way to make marriage a lot easier. I must tell you it wasn't so much what we've done inside our marriage as it's been what we did before our wedding day and that's what I want to help you with by sharing with you today.
I haven't said all these to brag or make anyone to say, oh well she said her marriage is all that, whatever. No, no, no, no.  My life hasn’t always been peaches and cream and it still isn’t for example my husband and I disagree what to spend money on and when more often than I care to admit and we have been on a fertility journey for at least 2.5 years.
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Before now, I had a history of failed relationships and unhealthy relationship. I have been cursed out, lied to, cheated on and all kinds of stuff.  It was just a whole situation.  It was a whole bunch of stuff that was toxic and wasn't good, but I was able to break that cycle, and my marriage is the first healthy relationship I've ever experienced. Here are five quote steps you can implement in manifesting your husband.

#1 Admit that Your Current Process/Relationship Isn't Working and Affirm You Deserve Healthy Happy Love

January 28th, 2011, just 18 days before I met the love of my life and a day I admitted that the dating situation I was entertaining, wasn’t working. I was waiting for the guy to choose me and I had been waiting for months and at this point. I was over it as you can tell by the look on my face. I had begun the process of admitting when thing weren’t working back in July of the previous year but this day required me to make a pivotal decision, keep going down a path that wasn’t working out of desperation, hoping he would see me as good enough one day or get off the wrong path so I can get on the right path.
 
So for you, first things first, admit things aren't working, if you are reading this, chances are you have a history of unhealthy relationships or a history of failed relationships. Or perhaps you have a history of attracting people that aren’t on your level.
 
You know that you are called to be a supervisor, administrator, a doctor, a lawyer, a leader or even your own boss. You know that God has a great assignment on your life, but for some reason you are attracting some drag down Joker that is doesn’t cut it.
 
If every one of your relationship or every attempt at a relationship has failed; know that it isn’t you but it is your process. And I am here to bring good news;
you have the power to turn your situation around.
 
You don't have to give your power to anyone. First, admit that something is not working and that you have a level of discontentment about the way things are going or not going.
 
If you can't find a date; it seems like nobody is attracted to you or no one is approaching you or otherwise something is not working, and you have to confess that it isn't working. Say it out loud right now “this is not working for me”, and then think about what exactly isn’t working for you. Start thinking about what you want to experience in a relationship. What does a healthy happy relationship looks like for you?
 
Now that you’ve admit things aren’t working, we can move on to step number two.

#2 Clarity on what You Want

Step number two is having clarity on what you want. Ask yourself, what do you want? What does that look like? If you want to be married, say that.  So many women are afraid to admit that they want to be married. How can you manifest something you wouldn’t even admit you desire it?  Do feel like it is taboo to say as a single person you desire marriage?  Do you think that is a bad thing? Are you afraid your desire will come off as desperation?  Listen-up. It is okay to desire marriage; marriage is a God idea. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but you need to be clear on what that looks like and what it does not look like for you. Understanding how to love and how to be love is not always a natural thing. This isn’t talking about him being six feet tall, 200 pounds.

Clarity on what you want is examining your spiritual needs. Think about what you want and need spiritually. Think about what you want and need mentally. Think about what you want and need emotionally. Think about what you want and what you need financially. See we get so caught up in what we want in terms of the looks.
Oh, I want him to be tall, dark, and handsome. I want him to be driving this and that.

No, no, no. What do you need in terms of financial freedom? What do you need in terms of emotional support and well-being? What do you need in terms of mental support? Come on!

And once you get that, set your heart and mind on Matthew 6:33 seek ye first the Kingdom of God.  God is going to be the place your cup gets fill so you can have the capacity to love yourself and love someone else.
If you don't know what you want, think about what God would desire for you. What would God's best for you look like? God wants you to be with somebody who's after his very heart, right?

Being married or in a relationship should not hold you back from your goals and dreams. As a matter of fact, I don't even like to say “your husband/ or wife.” We are talking about your destiny partner. Don't live your life in regret feeling like you're living below where you ought to be. 

#3 Renewing Your Mind

The next thing to do is to renew your mind. “Renewing of the mind,” “The renewing.” You can't stop it at renew because you can't just say, ‘’well my mind is renewed, I'm good”. It is the renewing of the mind, which means when you're renewing your mind, you cannot stop renewing because it's an ongoing continuous process that does not end.  It is time to go from the state of being negative to being positive. It is time for you to go from the state of complaining about what's not working, what's not going good to a place of gratitude. Today I had to renew my mind about my current situation.

I'm having Christmas at my house, and I'm thinking, man I wish I was able to get this mattress that I wanted to get. I wanted to get it for Black Friday but my husband shut that down. He was like; no, we didn't plan for it.  Next year we got to plan to get that.  You can't just buy it out of the blue. So I couldn't get the mattress I wanted. I wanted a dining room table, and I was thinking I should’ve got it when we bought our furniture last year, but I didn't. I still want it, and I wasn't able to get it. You know that I could be aggravated and frustrated about what I don't have, but I'm choosing to focus on other things. I mean, I still think about it. Don't get me wrong. I still desire those things don't get it twisted but what good is focusing on what we don’t have? It will never get you closer to what you want.  The law of attraction tells us to become and be the thing we want, and it will manifest for us. Sometimes that becoming is something you can do on your own but most times it requires some outside support.  What do you need to manifest the love of your life?

However, I decided to fix my mind on the things that are good and lovely. For example, I'm focused on things like getting a tablecloth. We have a little table I bought from Walmart, so I'm going to use that table. I'm going to put a nice tablecloth on it.  The tablecloth may cost more than the table, and I also had my husband get some chairs from the store.  I'm buying a centerpiece for the table too. I'm doing what I can. I bought some poinsettias, I got my tree, and I purchased a gift, so I wasn’t focused on what I didn't have. I could complain and be discontent about what I can't get right now or I can focus on being grateful that I have enough money in the bank to get fold chairs, the tablecloths, to give people gifts and to do other things because we had to learn how to focus on the things that we do have,  interesting right?

I say that the next thing I have here is all on the renewing of the mind, you can move on from discontentment to a place of contentment, right? So I'm not going to be discontent because I can't get everything I want. I'm going to operate in a state of contentment and learn how to work on the things that work for me. Absolutely! I’m living in the present moment. The fourth thing to do involves complete detachment.

#4 Detach from the Outcome

Detach yourself from the outcome. Let me say this quickly; when I say detach yourself from the outcome it means; live, love, laugh, live, love, laugh. When you're dating or meeting people, you're not attached to the outcome of that relationship. You're learning to live. You're learning to laugh, you're learning to love, and you're not having expectations that this is going to lead to something. Even if you're dating someone, you're not expecting that they're going to invite you to another date or that they're going to take you out another time. Now you can have clarity on the purpose of why you guys contain the relationship. You should ask the question, right? You don't necessarily have to, and I always say; ask in the beginning what is the purpose for dating or having that relationship at that particular.
Have a dating relationship right now right? Get that clarity. Just because you guys are considering telephone, marriage and all doesn’t mean you should expect that they will marry you. You got to expect to just have a good time and be fully present in the moment. This is how I manifested my husband.

#5 Setting boundaries and standards and Stick to Them

Last but not least, you have to set standards and boundaries and hold on to them strictly. That's it. Now it's easier said than done. I gave you five tips. These are five tips of how I manifest. I will be doing another this Sunday; I will be sharing my seven-step process on how to attract and keep healthy, happy and loving people that leads to lasting marriage, which is a little different from some of the things I shared here today. Click here to sign up

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I recall when I had a significant breakthrough in dating, I realized that this guy was straight testing me to see if I was “wifey material.”  I gained so much wisdom and knowledge from that situationship I thought I was ready to meet the one. After that situation ended, I turned right around, and attracted a high-quality man just like that! He had a resume to die for from six figures in the bank (not just making that a year but in the bank outside of his retirement account), Jeep Cherokee paid in cash, love kids and a fantastic father. I had met him at the gym. I had just began setting standards for myself so he laughed in embarrassment when him and his buddy walked me back to my office but failed to offer to carry my bag.  However, I still had that trouble disease to please and it when that is the case, it won't be long before it shows its desperate head. 

By the world standards, he was a high-quality man. Due to my insecurities, I hit the kill switch on his desire which ended a good thing. I was heart-broken over this situation. I had broken my vow of purity to save the relationship and to add insult to injury, the sex was horrible and then he dropped me like a bad habit.  He didn't know God so I know he wasn't God best for me but at the time he was ssssssoooooo much better than the guys I dated in the past. I grieved this relationships for days.

Can you relate, grieving a lost over someone that you know was never met for you but being upset with yourself to tolerating so much for so long, being anger that you betrayed your loyalty from God to man and man let you down? 

I share that to say, don’t pour the wine before it’s time. If you jump out there prematurely before you have done the work in becoming emotional whole, which Treal and I walked hundreds of women and men through the process of emotional healing with our Emotional Wellness Summit earlier this year.

Rather than ending in a healthy relationship that leads to marriage, you will end up in a situationship going nowhere or even worst in an unhealthy marriage. When that situation ended, I found myself balled up in the corner confessing to my mom of how I compromised my values trying to prove myself for love as a full grown woman just as I had done when I was a young girl in high school.  I had matured physically and mentally, but emotionally I was still that 16-year-old girl. There are six critical steps you will need to take before you are positioned to be found to attract a high-quality mate.
Here are those six steps.

1.) Prayer-up.  This is filling your soul which is your mind, your will, and your emotions.  You do this through daily prayer and worship, and devotion.  Don't make the mistake of many social media, people or things your source but God. You have to seek Him with your whole heart daily.

2.) Purpose. This is getting crystal clear on your God-given purpose to include your purpose and vision for your future marriage.  What is your pain?  What keeps you up at night? What is your greatest frustration? What are you most passionate about? Once you answer these questions, you can get a better understanding of your purpose. 

3.) Planning & Productivity:  This is getting organized and stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off and finally conquering the chaos. For me each day of the week has a theme and I follow specific activities on each day. This helps me stay sane. If you don't have a system in place, you will be living by the seat of your pants inviting chaos and confusion in your life every day.   One of my favorite tools to use, is the Cozi app. This help me keep up with everything from my grocery list, to-done-list and my calendar. You can download it free, from the app store.

4.) Presence.  This is being your authentic self and be confident in the presence of someone of the opposite sex. But done the darn cell phone already. If you are out, be out and give that person your full attention. Don't want to do this on a date practice this every time you meet up with friends and family. Give the gift of your undivided attention. 

5.) Peace.  This is learning to remain calm in the midst of a storm.  Do you find yourself getting frustrated, angry, discouraged or sad by a recent loss? You have two options: you can put those stinking emotions away or you can put it away (aka pray about it until you get the strength to put it away.)

6.) Prosperity.  This isn’t just about how much money you have in the back as it is about the abundance of your heart and soul and your capacity.  If you need support with this, check out my Position Yourself to Be Found eCourse. Once you check those six boxes and can honestly say, you have done the work, then you read for love which you are cleared to date.  Speaking of abundance and prosperity, during your single journey don't shy away from dating wildly.  Dating is nothing more than meeting new people and trying to get to know them better to determine if it is worth your time and energy to continue the relationship.

7.) Places to be Found. When we think about Adam and Eve, God placed Eve in the same geographic location of Adam so they could meet. Let's face it, if Adam was in the Garden of Eden and Eve was in 20,000 in another country, in those days, they would have never met.

Don't believe the lie that there is a lack of high-quality god fearing men or women. The challenge sometimes is the degree of separation between people can delay that connection.  Join me next week as I continue the conversation and release the 10 places to meet a quality man.

I share those steps in my eCourse Position Yourself to Be Found. 

If you know you need to do a few things before hitting the dating seen. Click here to check out Position to Be Found eCourse or join our Facebook group by clicking here.

Have you had a pattern of attracting the wrong mate in your life? Are you tired of attracting someone who is unavailable, not saved, into street pharmacy or otherwise unemployed, broke, busted, disgusted, emotional broken or just not on your level?

I want to share with you the 10 Best Places to Meet a High-Quality Mate and along with that I will share some of my own powerful life lessons to help you attract and marry the love of your life.
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Who you attract and allow into your life is a destiny alternating decision make no mistake about it. It can be the difference between life and death, freedom or incarceration, happiness and misery, achieving your biggest dreams versus living at your biggest nightmare.  Below I share the 10 Best places to meet a high-quality god-fearing mate.   Remember most importantly, it isn't your physical location as much as it is psychic location when you get there. 
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10.) Neighborhood.  If you live in the hood, you better skip this one or go visit your friends who live in the area with good schools and expensive homes. I an't no gold digger but no body have time to be talking to a person with broke figures.

Just saying.  You can meet a high-quality mate when you stop at the local gas station or store. Ladies, make the extra trip to Auto Zone to grab your new whippers and take those to your car dealership to put them on. You save some money and you never who you may run into. 

9.) Airport. The more I started to travel, the more I saw fine, young single men everywhere from the Delta Sky Lounge to Southwest security line to JetBlue check-in. You may be tempted to hop in your car by yourself and take that 10-hour drive and some times that is okay but don't sky away from jumping on Jetblue and get a $49 flight and open up your options. Be careful but be cute. Put a little effort into looking good even if you have an early flight. I am not saying you need a full beat at 6AM or a $200 weave but leave the scarf and rollers at home and put on some lipstick and blush. Guys come out the sweat and throw on some jeans and a blazer, spice it up a little.

8.) Community/College Events/Games. You recall that first guy I told you about who was testing me? Well it was an EPIC fall, and I will share that in an upcoming vlog, but I met him at a homecoming game. Although he was a jerk to me, I do believe when he reached the right woman for him, a woman who demanded respect in a confident, no BS but respectful way, he got his act together.  He had a Professional Engineering License; he had his own house, makeover six-figures, love God and six feet tall, no kids and the list goes on. I met him at a homecoming game my cousin invited me to.

7.) Work. Don’t make the mistake of going out with that one or two girlfriends every day.  Diverse your options and be intentional with connecting and building genuine friendships at work with men and women alike. A man finding a wife, is like the coming back of Jesus Christ, your never know the day or the other, so you have to stay ready, so you don’t have to get ready. Think about Ruth. When she met Boaz, she was working in the field, and he came for her.

6.) Family/Friend Gatherings. I can’t recall meeting someone at a family gather, but I do remember inviting a good friend of mine to my birthday party than to our Christmas party and next thing I knew, her and my cousin were going out.

5.) In Ministry/On Mission Trips. If you are passionate about helping others and if you ever thought about taking mission trips. This is an excellent opportunity to build deep, meaningful relationships while giving back to society in a significant way. One does this if this is something God has already placed on your heart and something you see yourself doing at least once if not once every few years.  Don’t start something you can’t finish.

4.) Gym.  That beautiful good man I told you about, I met him at the gym. I met a couple of quality men at the gym. Warning, don’t go to the gym to catch or attract a man.

One reason this is the right place as it along people with like mindset and goals to connect to go and grow together. If you love working out, get out your living room and get into a co-ed gym.

3.) Online (Internet & Social Media). This is dating sites. Some of the most popular dating sites are Black Singles, Christian mingles, Elite Singles, and Match.com.  Although I place this as #3, this is my favorite. This is where I met my boo thang aka my husband. Please don't get it twisted there is much weirdo online and I met three or four other guys online before I met my husband. In my Position to Be Found eCourse, I share the exact questions I asked my husband, my profile and safety tips. Social Media. This is different than dating online.  This is Facebook, IG, LinkedIn, etc.  This is sliding in the DM.

2.) Networking Event/Eventbrite & Meetup.com I met my husband on a dating site that was a hybrid of a meetup group. Our first meeting was at a speed dating event. With online dating, you never know what type of person you will meet even after a few phone calls that is why I recommend a group gathers for the first date.

1.) In God.  You read that right. You can go to every place I listed above but if you haven’t set and keep your heart, soul, and spirit on God and the things of God, you won't be prepared to receive the partner God has for you. As soon as you meet that quality man, you will start idolizing him, and the relationship will be over before it gets started or be on a path for destruction. Remember always, seek first the kingdom of God and all of its righteousness and all other things will be added until you.  

What I know to be true, God has created someone who isn't perfect but they are perfect for you. You deserve healthy happy love despite your past and all the things you been through. God said He will not withhold any good thing from you and that includes your destiny partner aka your spouse.

JILL BULLUCK

What to learn more about attracting a high-quality God Fearing mate?  Check out my 5 Day Ready for Love Challenge by clicking here,

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