I will share five self-sabotaging behavior may be keeping you in your single season longer than you desire. A few months ago, I stepped out on a limb and hosted my first co-ed single event in the DC area. We had a good turn out with about twenty women and ten men. There where some good looking brothers if I may say so myself. I would give eight out of ten of those brothers a seven or better. Just saying. I spoke with every single guy who attended because I approached them. All of them seem like pretty stand up guys. I noticed that the guys were dressed to impressed but the ladies were overall more causally dressed.
In a small intimate group like that, if 10% to 20% of the attendees made a meaningful connection, that is success to me. If I can be honest, there are a few things that happened before and after the event, were very disturbing to me, not because of how it made me feel but how I know that type of attitudes and behavior can totally hit the kill switch for a man’s desire. In response to what I observed I am wrote this blog. Fellas, keep reading and let me know if I am right about it.
What I am about to say, may offend you but please know that is not my intentions. My intentions are to support you in your growth and development by bring a level of awareness to you of self-sabotaging behavior that will move you farther away from your goal.
- Focusing on the negative. This is everything from what is not working to always assuming worst case scenario.
- Expecting the man/men to do all the work. This is everything from approaching you, to asking you out, to making all the plans including making you happy by showing you with gifts and what ever you want. Some men will come in and wine and dine you but most men, just want to go out, have a good time without breaking his bank. Expectations are the fastest way to get disappointed. Release expectations and make a commitment to come out and have a good time. Period. Dot. THE END.
- Holding on to the list. Don’t get it twisted, having a list is not only encourage but necessary to get clarity on what you want and what that looks like exactly. The problem comes in when you still have, “he has to be 6’0, 210 pounds, six-figures, master degree etc. All things nice to have but none of these things makes a good husband or father and cause you to focus on the superficial when you trying to create something official. That’s not going to work.
- Putting in minimal effort when you show up. You don’t have to get a full beat to go on a date but take some time to put yourself together. Basic things like your hair nice and neat (clean up those edges), if you have your sides cut like me go to the barber and get a fresh cut or get a brush and work those edges. Dress always go over well on a date but keep them right about the knee (no more than 1 to 3 inches); anything above three inches is doing way too much. The more body shape you have the longer the dress. Be careful with Fashion Nova wear as their clothes are very fitted. Wear something nice but loose fitting but cute. Work jewelry, jackets and paints. If you are wearing scandals polish those toes. Not just for a date but everything because you are a wife and most importantly because you are a queen.
- Possessing beauty that is only skin deep. Sis, you are cute and all, but after he sees you and open your mouth, how does what you say and how you say it, speaks to him. Does it say you are a drama queen or shallow woman or does it, you are a women of wisdom, dignity, knowing your worth and value? For so long society has characterized women’s contribution and value based on her body and her beauty, but the truth be told, charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting after the beauty fleets you have to have substance to your life through living out your purpose, your character, your attitude and your spirit.
Have you committed any of these five mistakes? Which one? Are you still committing it? What can you do difference to change what you are putting out in the world so you can change what you are attracting in the world? Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
Click the link below to access my three part video series